Mummy Makes a Scene...
I'm thinking that there should be some sort of program like AA, but for Mums. Like, MA, perhaps I will start it. My "intro" this week would go like this... "Hi, my name is Catherine, and I made a total dick out of myself at my kids’ gymnastics display". Let me explain...
It all started when my husband and I had the (mis)fortune of attending back to back gym displays (that's 3 HOURS people!!) because our daughters were in two different sessions. For the first session we were sat about three rows back from the front, and quite frankly, I couldn't see a fucking thing. SO, when it came time for the second session, I moved up and "baggsed" some front row seats for hubby and I, and a spot for our other two kids on the benches in front of us so we could show our littlest we were there for her in her first big display.
There was about half an hour between the sessions when of course our two spectating kids decided they were hungry, so hubby took them out to get something to eat...and then just never fucking came back!!!
In the meantime the hall was filling up, and while I am happy to hold one seat for an adult, I'm not really into bullying children out of a spot. I'd put a couple of thongs on the bench but a couple of overly confident little poppets came and just moved them along (I know this is totally fair enough, but since when did kids get so ballsy?!?) until there was barely room for half a bum on the bench. FINALLY, with 1 minute to spare my husband rocks back in (after ignoring one text message and two calls from me asking him to come back). By this time, for some reason, I was pretty fucking stressed.
I let him have it in a half-lighthearted tone, but in the midst of this our kids started fighting (with us) over where to sit - including my 10 year old son wanting to sit on my knee!! - and I guess my exacerbation just got more audible and fraught. The last straw came when one kid came up to the bench and asked their friends to move over. Kindly my daughter herself moved over but because she only had half an arse on the bench in the first place she fell off, and the other kid just sat right down in her spot (WTF!?!).
I got frustrated with her for giving her seat up (I know, I know, misplaced anger) and it became obvious to me that I was unintentionally making a bit of a scene.
I was mortified with myself. I knew I was behaving like a complete dick, and I was embarrassed that it was so obvious to those around me. But looking back I’ve realised it wasn't about the seats, or the bench, or even (for once) my kids. It was about the fact that I had everything organised for our needs...and it all went to shit because SOMEONE (that would be my husband) couldn't stick with the program. And that in turn I think was symptomatic with how I feel about much of my life.
I feel like, as a mum, I am constantly thinking, planning, and anticipating any and all outcomes. I do things, and organise stuff in a specific way so that everyone gets what they need, and, usually, want. There are 5 of us, so that's not easy. It's stressful in itself, but when the plans work out the whole point is that they alleviate stress by making sure everything is done in the easiest and best way possible. When I've spent time, thought and energy on something (and YES I can see how much of a control freak this makes me look right now!), it is INCREDIBLY frustrating when someone just bumbles along without a thought or care in the world and fucks it all up.
It’s like if I went to my husband’s work and just started entering random numbers and columns in his spreadsheets.
Just because I’m “just a mum” doesn’t mean I’m not an expert. I’m an expert at all these bloody people living in my house and I am EXTREMELY outcome focused. All of us are, because THAT’S OUR JOB! This shit isn’t easy and it’s no game either. It’s time people started recognising our skill set and following accordingly.
Eyes on the prize people, eyes on the prize.