GUEST BLOG: The Mystery Of The Yoga Fart. Yes, you read that right!
My name is Kate and I can tell you, after much research, where Yoga farts come from. It was a Pilates class where I first discovered the Yogavart. I know it's been dubbed the Yogavart previously because after the incident I announced to Siri... "Yoga Vagina Farts".
I joined a women's gym 12 weeks postpartum, after the birth of my baby girl. I was nervous because it had been years since I did Yoga and I'd never tried Pilates. Feeling like postnatal depression had me in its grip It took a lot of determination to get there, but I made it.
My baby girl was my second child - I still didn't realise my pelvic floor region would be like a broken elevator. The yoga class was full of older woman. Out of two younger women one was pregnant and couldn't participate in a lot of the stretches.
I arrived and my shoes squeaked along the classroom floor. This irritated me but it was a blessing in disguise. During the class with each pilates pose, someone kept farting. That someone was me. Not the kind of catastrophic fart you do after a Hungry Jacks whopper meal....a long squeaky fart.
My foof seemed to be mimicking the mating call of a rodent. Women kept looking in my direction. They were from a region that I had not experienced that kind of volume and frequency. The pregnant woman couldn't keep her eyes off me, I had been made.
I kept squeaking my hot pink sneakers to try to cover it up. I wanted to just leave but then I would be the woman who left Yoga because my queefing was off the chain. How would I ever be able to face that pilates class ever again? Would they nickname me? Varty The Vagina Farter.
I finished the lesson trying to keep my bodily parts shut. This takes some skill and needs a fitness manual of its own "How To Shut Your Vagina The Hell Up After Birth" or "If A Queef Falls Out Of The Bush, Make Sure Noone Hears With These 52 Steps".
I went home and hit google because I felt so abnormal. What if this happens forever? What If I'm doomed to be the farting lady for eternity? It turns out that it would just take time. I had just had a baby and things were still confused down there.
I didn't go to a Pilates class for a long time. I enjoyed the rest of the gym, I now have three children and I still wear hot pink trainers.
My name is Kate Shelby. I’m an Australian mum, blogger and lover of superheroes in tight pants. My Home: Australianmum.com