Creepy Clowns: WTF are you doing!?!
Today we received a security alert from our kids’ school saying two children had been chased through a park on their way to school by this season’s latest freakozoid, a clown. Yup, a creepy looking clown. I mean really! What on earth has gotten into people!?! CHILDREN, on their WAY TO SCHOOL were confronted by some loony who had been sitting on the swings in the local park dressed as a clown waiting to chase them with a fake knife, yelling at them as they ran. Charming!
There have been news reports of "creepy clowns" coming out of America for a little while now. I'd seen them, but to be honest nothing would surprise me about how crazy America has become right now (thanks to that other creepy clown, Donald J. Trump!)!
THEN however, one such fruitloop turned up in South Australia of all places! Not known for their early adoption of fads, some South Aussie nutter has decided it would be a fabulous idea to bring the "clown purge" phenomenon (whatever TF that means) Down Under. Soon these "people" were cropping up all over the place and the world had officially gone mad.
Seriously, clown people, what is going ON in your tiny minds??
First of all, let's be real. I remember being shit scared watching Steven King’s IT on video (yes, a giant tape with film inside it which was played on a - now obsolete - VCR!) when I was approximately 12 years old. Given that was a grand total of 26 years ago, you guys really are a bit late to the party to be picking up on the concept don't ya think? I know there’s a remake floating around somewhere but guys, it’s not exactly new now!! Or do some of you just not realise the majority of the world was across it a quarter of a century before you??
Secondly, and hats off to you here, that truly is a great load of effort you’ve gone to there in order to try to frighten people. I mean – hopefully for your sake – it’s not like you’d be likely to have a creepy clown suit hanging around the lounge room and then on the spur of the moment think “I should absolutely wear this outside and freak people out”. No, you’ve had the idea, gone to some God-forsaken kind of store - or worse, ordered it online - got it home, put it on, and then actually moved yourself out in public for the express purpose of scaring people. How, at any point in that lengthy process did it not enter your mind that it was a really stupid idea?
Since you guys are clearly people with a decent amount of forethought and drive, perhaps you may consider using your energy, time and motivation for good instead of evil? Learn a craft, bake a cake, volunteer at the library, that kind of thing? All of those endeavours would be much less likely to result in you having the crap beaten out of you - or landing in jail. Imagine what happens to clowns in jail!!! Ouch.
Which brings me to my third point... Do you have no regard for self preservation? I know you are big and scary at all, and yes, you are genuinely frightening people (including small children - congratulations you must be so proud) but have any of you given a thought to how angry you are making the rest of the population with your shenanigans?
On the one hand, adults often don't react very well to being shocked, and are prone to lash out as a first response. On the other, you have a whole generation of people who not only lost hours of sleep as a young kid because of the original Pennywise, but now we're sitting up all night losing sleep because our children are having nightmares about YOU!! If you had any idea how violently angry sleep deprivation makes people, you'd be getting rid of that ridiculous mask quick fucking smart let me tell you!
Not even being of necessarily sound mind, I can't for the life of me fathom what would motivate people to behave in such a truly bizarre fashion, particularly as it must by definition be premeditated, and not just a spur of the moment 'brain snap' kind of crazy. It's just next level nutbagery.
So creepy clowns, holla, but really, you've made your point. Now go and have a good hard look in the mirror and have a think about what your family, friends or co-workers would feel about your new penchant for baggy pants, crazy hair, pancake makeup and scaring people. Hopefully we can square this away before all the Mimes turn up...now they're REALLY bloody creepy!!!!