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Potty Mouth Patty

Wow, SO many things to post about this week and absolutely no time to bash them out…my head is totally spinning. Since last Monday I have sent my husband to hospital in an ambulance, spent 3 days sitting in said hospital with him (he’s fine now), barely slept for 3 nights with a quasi-PTSD son, forgot to eat for 2 days, and managed to piss off a good number of my school’s PFTA without even being ON it (I’m skilled like that!).

But the thing that has MOST propelled me to the keyboard has been being told by a total stranger that I LOOK LIKE I “have a gutter mouth”!!! I mean how very dare she!? It’s not that I don’t have a potty mouth, I totally do, but in fairness to me I don’t think I can any way be accused of looking like I do (the majority of the time).

Let me set the scene. My husband, kids and I were in a costume hire shop, of all places, and my husband had just hired himself a rather fetching superman outfit, and me a most gorgeous Pink Ladies outfit (dreams do come true!). I guess we had been there for about 30 mins or so, during which time we had been chatting pleasantly enough to the ladies about costumes, wigs and other assorted costuming chit chat.

Now, I am the fist to admit that I could whip up a full bogan fancy dress costume out of my own wardrobe with the best of them, but even I can say that on this particular day, nothing about my look said “I swear like a sailor”. In FACT, what I was wearing was a Seed cape (a CAPE people!), a silver knit (KNIT!), skinny jeans and a pair of high heeled boots. Even my handbag was one of those ridiculous ones you have to hold across you arm Clueless style. I could not have looked any more ‘conservative eastern suburbs housewife’ if I had have been walking straight out of the pages of a Fella Hamilton catalogue.

SO, it all came to pass when we were at the counter paying for our costume hire and Macklemore’s Thrift Shop came over the sound system. The lady called over us and asked the the girl at the counter if she could skip the explicit lyrics. I smiled and said to her, “oh, don’t worry about doing that because of our kids”, and she turned to me and said: “Oh, they’ve heard it all before, you look like you’ve got a gutter mouth” without a single hint of irony in her voice!!! I’m sorry, what?

To my great surprise I was quite taken aback by her comment, and even found myself a bit offended. I’m usually happy to poke fun at myself and laugh at my own expense but for some reason this seemed very different. What had I done in that time to give her the (albiet, correct) impression that I am a terrible bad swearing mother? Could she see into my soul, and if not, what was she trying to say?

Funnily enough, my instinctive internal reaction was “fuck off, I do not!”, but I started garbling away about how I teach my children they are going to see and hear a lot of things in the world that they are not to do or say themselves, and that, as I have told them, when they are 38 they can go ahead and say anything they choose to, but can deal with the consequences.

The more I blabbered on, the more I was wondering why I was explaining, or worse justifying, my parenting strategy to a total stranger who has just backhanded me with her low opinion of me.

#Sorrynotsorry!!!

#Sorrynotsorry!!!

Now I’m very confused. A lady says I look like I have a “gutter mouth”, but I don’t (look like I do). I do actually have a gutter mouth (I prefer potty mouth myself), but I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t care what judgements people make of me, but I do. And do I care more about the fact that she thinks I LOOK like a dodgy parent, or that I probably am one!?!

In the end, you’ve just go to shake your head and say “Fuck it”!!

I swear, I have no $#&@ing idea!!

Mornings Suck.