I swear, I have no $#&@ing idea!!

With everything that has been going on lately around my unseemly potty mouth (see here for more) I have been mulling over it quite a bit.

I’d never actively thought about it before, but I realise that swear words are simply a part of my vocabulary now, so an F-bomb comes as easily to me in conversation as ‘and’, or ‘not tonight honey’. Of course this answers how I tend to swear like a sailor, but it doesn’t really explain why. So, as a result of my many and varied musings on the subject this week, I have come up with a few possible explanations (besides, well…habit).

1.     Boys. When I was at school, I took a rather long stint being the least liked person in the world by all my so-called girlfriends*. It was awful, it was lonely, it sucked total shit. BUT, luckily for me, I was sporty and loved the footy so it was very easy for me to become ‘one of the guys’ while I waited it out. I’m sure my propensity to swear took a boost during this time as I probably I saw it as a way to ‘man myself up’ a bit to fit in with the big boys (terribly sexist thinking by me I know, but I was 14 so…yeah), and maybe even impress them just a little bit.

Cuss Words.jpeg

2.     Expression! Swearing makes expressing yourself and emoting wonderfully easy. Many, or even most, people still see swearing as extreme, so a well placed swear word – or three – can really highlight a point. Given there are about 1 million words in the English language (or precicely 1,025,109.8 according to Google – honestly, WTF can the .8 of a word be!?!) some people argue that relying on only around 4 of those words is just lazy. I believe I actually have a pretty good grasp of the breadth of our language, but to me some words just do the job more succinctly than others. Thus, rather than lazy, I like to consider myself efficient! I’m a busy Mum for God’s sake, not f*cking Shakespeare!!

3.     Lastly; the best one…it feels sooooo goooood! There can’t be very many people alive who don’t want to let out a good solid ‘cuss word’ when they hurt themselves. Likewise if you’re mid flight on an amazing story, or you’re angry about something and ranting, it is so cathartic letting all that emotion out in one – or more – well placed in-your-face, kick-ass swear words. They’re like exclamation marks within your sentence. What’s not to love about that?

Really though, that’s as good as I can come up with as to why I am a sub-par example for my impressionable children, low down, truck driver potty mouth. Oh, that, and because I can be. Because: grown up. And THAT is the point which I try to make to my kids. They too may make decisions about how they want to conduct themselves in terms of language, but only when they are old enough to wear the consequences.

But for for this chick? I have given up trying to be all the things I SHOULD be. I realised pretty quickly after kids that Snow White Mumma was not going to be me, and while I am not entirely unapologetic that I’ll never be the perfect stepford mum, I’ve learnt that I’ll just have to be ok with it, as it’s absolutely all I’ve got. There’s gonna be people who don’t like it (I’m looking at you costume shop lady) but theres absofuckinglutely nothing I can do about it, it’s just me. #sorrynotsorry

*P.S. Fuck you all you miserable bitches, I hope karma has reached you by now and you’re all dried up old hags. (I’m so totally over it though!!!)


Potty Mouth Patty