I feel that there is something so poetic about the fact that the "Never Give Up Your Daydream" notebook I purchased to begin my first scribblings of writing in turned out to have its cover on upside down and back the front (true story - thanks Target)!
Im using it anyway as I feel it is probably more representative of me than a perfect 'thing' that wasn't messed up and had all its bits in the right places.
I decided to call my website "Head First Down the Rabbit Hole" because a) I feel like I have been in a constant head-first plummet towards a world of undiluted crazy since the birth of my first child 10 years ago, and b) plain old "Down the Rabbit Hole" was too expensive!!
To fall down the metaphorical rabbit hole of course comes from the children's tale Alice in Wonderland and according to the portal of all knowledge (Wikipedia) refers to an "entry into the unknown, the disorienting or the mentally deranging" or "a bizarre or difficult state or situation". So, BAM! There's my last 10 years summed up perfectly I think!!
As almost everybody probably did pre-kids, I had so many wonderful ideas and views on what sort of parent I would be. 10 years, 3 kids and nearing the front of the queue to 40, I rather feel a little bit broken and a whole lot dazed and confused.
Between the complete loss of control (of life, underlings, bladder...), the mums who behave like they're the ones still in school (40 is NOT the new 16 people), and the general adulting required (don't forget small children's birthday parties, do resist the urge to swear like a truck driver...) its all just a little cray cray.
Writing has become a bit of therapy for me (and MUCH cheaper). To be perfectly honest, I have no idea what I'm doing and no idea how to get the the end intact. I really do want the best for my family, but I'd also like some of the goods for myself. I just hope I can get this thing over the line without completely fucking us all up along the way. Let's see how we go!